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Burning Karma

Updated: Apr 13, 2020

Hello, beautiful and wild people! We are entering a new era of living from our wild.

But first — we must simmer.

We must bake in the heat of our past, our karma, the pain of wrongdoing by ourselves and by others. The misunderstandings, the manipulation, the torment, the loss, all the weight that holds us back must be cooked out of us, so we can begin again, fresh and unencumbered. This is where we find ourselves in April — cooking. We are a pot of stew letting off steam. We are finding our true and authentic selves underneath all the lids that have been put upon us to keep us from seeing our innate natures. For as long as anyone reading this has been alive, we have been lied to. We have been made to believe that we were not powerful creatures, that we can not move mountains on our own. We have been told we need something or someone: a teacher, a minister, a president, a government, a health care "system", a hierarchy in order to find ourselves. That we must find ourselves within someone else's order. But we ARE the order. We make up the order by being our individual, unique, and yes, WILD selves.

I'm reading Untamed by Glennon Doyle and it could not be more aptly timed for this chapter in history. She was "suppose" to be on book tour right now, but instead we sit stuck in our homes. This could not be better planned. Her book released days before the US started to shut down. There could be no better way to grab a "captive" audience. Here we all sit, cooking in our stew, just in time to read about how to work through it. By being real, bringing what is inside of us outside of us, letting it bake in the sun, and heal in the light of day. We have nothing else to do BUT this. Even if you're working, you are still being baked. You are being forced to rub up against all that ails you. We as a collective are being forced to see what doesn't work, what is not stable in our beloved society, the social injustices that run rampant through the world. And the irony is, it is not so much the government, the well-paid institutions that are here now to solve our problems, the ones we gave all our power and wealth to, it is the individuals, stepping forward to give their unique and wild gifts that are saving us, one handmade mask at a time. Everyone showing up to do what only they know how to do is this particular crisis.

I was on retreat in Costa Rica last year and a participant suddenly died right in front of me. Myself and a few others were first responders. In seconds we all jumped in to do what only we knew how to do. There were nurses, healers, organizers, space holders, each one jumping in to do what only they could do without question, hesitation, resistance. In the suddenness of that trauma, we instinctively knew what to do. It was as if the knowing came up from beneath our feet and we acted without thinking about it. We tried and tried and tried to resuscitate him, but unfortunately he was ready to transition, longing for a new expression. So we did our best, and sent him off in sacred, beautiful ceremony, honoring his spirits' will. This is what we're doing now. Jumping in, in only the ways we know how. We may be able to resuscitate the world as it was, but more likely, we will send it off with beautiful ceremony and create something entirely new, made up from the voices and hands that come forward to heal our planet.

And so our attention is being pulled from the external to the internal. We can no longer depend on the system to care for us, we must create our own systems. We are like lighthouses, radiating light from above in 360º. We can see our own light when it's out in front of us, but as it goes around behind us, we can't see it and therefore we think we aren't light anymore. We forget. We fall down, get sad, long to know who we are again. The mother, our sweet mother earth, is calling us down — into our hearts and out of our heads. She is asking us: who lives inside this lighthouse, who's attending to its maintenance, who's fueling this light and how can we see it more regularly — how can we become it? Because, the light in here is what makes us beautiful and shine bright, and in fact, it's the light in here that powers the light out there. And so we sit, to cook, to burn, to let go of all that has been holding us back, burning away our karma — the shoulds, the expectations, the programming.

Creativity and play are coming online to help us with this. The childlike wonder and curiosity we were once so akin to is the light that will help us as we fumble in the dark of this moment. That creativity is like the electricity powering the light from within the lighthouse, the source, our connection to spirit, to God, to the universe, whatever you want to call it —  that's what will guide us forward. Creativity is communing with spirit, it is the source of our own magic.

A friend of mine is a nurse and she's been keeping me posted on all that's happening in her hospital. She explained the coronavirus and how it works. She said it's an infection of the lungs. Suddenly it hit me, grief is stored in the lungs. We are having a massive, global, planetary release of grief. We are coughing up the phlegm of our past. Giving it back to the earth so we can start anew. So...


Cry, moan, sob, scream into a pillow, scream into the forest, throw rocks, break sticks, break dishes, rearrange the furniture, purge your closet, draw, create, paint, dance, fuck, cut your own hair, dye your own hair, cut all your clothes up into little bits, whatever you can to get this shit out once and for all. You have time. If there's only one thing you do, make it this. It's not about distraction, it's about feeling your feelings and letting them out. The rest will follow.

A couple thoughts to keep you sane while we do this:

Create — Make it a daily practice to be creative. See what wants to come out of you in this way. Make it spiritual. Ask to be guided. I was turned on to a new practice by Kim Krans through one of her instagram live videos and I've been posting them on my instagram feed. It's collage practice done in a way that's like pulling tarot cards, letting yourself be guided to what wants to come through you. It's absolutely fascinating and getting me in touch with a part of myself I haven't seen since college. That wild girl wants to be let out of her cages!!

Music — Also in the vein of creating but through another avenue: listen to music, play music, dance, sing, anything that gets that current of energy moving. This will also help to unearth grief as you listen to music of your past that allows energy to flow and release. Notice how easily music changes your mood.

Connect — We are not in this alone, and now more than ever, we need to connect with our loved ones. Pay attention to who you long to connect with, and who you don't want to connect with at all. It may surprise you! Perhaps you've been putting your attention into the wrong folks and missing out on some really great ones. I offer a Women's Circle once a month (now online for the current situation). It filled up so fast for April, I added a second date, April 23, 7-9PM Pacific. Check out my events page to register. You can also sign up for my newsletter to be the first to know.

Healing — There could not be a better time to receive healing work. I offer Intuitive Energy Healing to dive into the heavy stuff, channeled messages called Spirit Readings to help you get in touch with your purpose, and Reiki which is like a massage for your nervous system — all that can be done remotely. Click here to schedule. You can always call or text as well. But even if none of these resonate with you, find one that does and go that route. Tarot, Astrology, body talk, tuning forks, yoga, breath work, energy medicine. The great thing about energy work and this time is that it can all be done remotely. Another way the mother is telling us we are more than our physical bodies, and we must take care of all of it to feel balanced.

Much love in this current cycle. We will get through this.

And as Glennon Doyle says — WE CAN DO HARD THINGS.

All my love, Heidi

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