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Finding Our Power

Updated: May 6, 2020

When I first tuned in to the energies of October, it was so overpowering it took me a week to digest, and I'm not sure I still have it all. It feels like a threshold, a door we are walking though that will transform us forever: the way we use to be, versus the way we must be going forward. It felt so heavy that I couldn’t understand what was causing such a massive energetic wave, and certainly bigger than any of these reports I’ve done over the last year. Then came the testimony of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. I sat watching, crying, and realized it was unfolding directly in front of me: the changing of the guards. A wound so deep and so unacknowledged was finally being brought to the light of day — and once we know, we can’t pretend ignorance. We have lived in a culture that has asked us to be small, to remain silent, to go along with it, to play the game. To allow power over, and to submit to being a pawn in the game of someone with more privilege, because we didn’t yet have enough inertia, or awareness, to tip the scales. The end of that dynamic is here. The darkness has been illuminated.

It is our task now to dig deep, find our truth, and bring that out into the world. We have been in training for this for decades and probably centuries. All of this self care, self help energy that’s been surrounding us has been fortifying us; helping us to gain a solid, strong core. What Dr. Ford did was to take something intangible and make it tangible. To bring it out in the world and show that this is REAL. Feelings are REAL. Emotions are REAL. The effect of what we do and how we treat each other in the world is REAL. Trauma is REAL. And it has a direct impact, on all of us. And when I watched her testimony the thing that struck me the most was that she wasn’t raped. She was reporting on assault, attempted rape, and the horror that it has caused for her for the remainder of her life. This fact allows a bigger doorway than has been in front of us before. It doesn’t matter that it didn’t end in rape. It still happened. The effects are still real. We now get to include the way we feel, the effect of trauma, we get to honor those feelings in ourselves and others, and that honor continues to make it real, and helps us heal. It also helps us connect with others. It’s what has already been in play with the #blacklivesmatter and #metoo movements. We are finally honoring our experience publicly and collectively. There is power in numbers.

October asks us to find and get in touch with our core. We are being put to the test in a way. It’s not to throw us to the fire, but rather to embolden us, and to empower us in our own healing and evolution. We can no longer be complacent; not with acts directed towards us, and not with acts directed towards others. But here’s the catch — it has to be done through LOVE. Dr. Ford perfectly depicted this with her honest, heartfelt testimony, rather than a guns-blazing defensive approach that wouldn’t have been as well received. What we have seen up to now is a revolution-style approach. Trading one power structure for another. We must rather use the wisdom of our hearts to disarm those people in privilege and power. We must ban together to form a new ocean wave. Those in power and privilege can be like rain drops falling on the wave, but they don’t get to conduct the wave anymore. They don’t get to decide who we are and what we get to become. It’s our own waking up and banning together that will naturally push out these influences, because they simply won’t be welcome anymore. We are forming a new agreement as we speak. An agreement that doesn’t allow power over. It reminds me of this brilliant video Martha Beck did last year.

Over the next month (and I assume it will continue long beyond that) we must get in a habit of noticing; noticing what doesn’t feel right, what doesn’t sit right, what has a stink to it, even if we can’t place what that stink is. Some of this will be obvious: overt racism, sexism, gender bias, and generally speaking disparagingly of another. But we must be vigilant because this power dynamic is insidious. It is in the water we drink and it’s so common place that it has been our normal, and normal is hard to shift when it’s so familiar that we often give it carte blanche. This power dynamic has been internalized and we must externalize it to flush it out of the collective. If you don’t feel strong enough at first to confront someone when they cross a boundary, tell a trusted friend, write it in your journal, get it out of your body. Make it real by honoring it as important enough to externalize.

As this momentum builds in and around us, we must also allow space for the trauma that these events have unleashed to be cleansed out of our system. It has already been very triggering, so talk amongst yourselves. Share your experience. Make it real to help it heal. We’ll move through this in the meditation this month and address how we express through the wisdom of the heart. As always, take care, be gentle with yourselves and hold tight. We're all in this together — and together we will thrive through it.

All my love, Heidi

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